It's Not What it Looks Like (Yes, it is)
by dellums
Summary: <html><head></head>"Biiiite me, Jones..." he moaned, and Alfred snapped his eyes wide open, pushing his glasses up. Bite him? What on earth...? There was really no logical reason to bite him. Unless Yong Soo was secretly a Big Mac and - oh, logical. Right. Never mind.</html>


"Oh my god, just fucking BITE me already..."

Alfred was not quite sure he was hearing things properly. Pausing his hushed game of Call of Duty and removing his headset, the blond crawled from the floor to his feet. Careful not to step on his empty McDonald's bag and the bowl of half-melted ice cream next to it, he stumbled over to his roommate's bed and listened closely.

It was a moment before the Korean made any noise again other than his calm breathing. But when he spoke, what came out was a mumbled, "Mmn, say it out loud... da-ze..."

Say what out loud? What, what, what? No. Now Alfred was curious. How dare Yong Soo not say anything else! With bated breath, Al knelt down by the side of Yong Soo's bed, pressing his face in close, waiting. Waiting...

The other boy rolled over onto his stomach, arm nearly smacking Alfred in the face as he shifted. "Biiiite me, Jones..." he moaned, and Alfred snapped his eyes wide open, pushing his glasses up. Bite him? What on earth...? Why would Alfred **bite **Yong Soo? There was really no logical reason to. Unless Yong Soo was secretly a Big Mac and - oh, logical. Right. Never mind.

Alfred cleared his head and shuffled a bit closer on his knees. Now he was very interested. Exactly what kind of dream was Yong Soo having? It better not be a perverted one! The last thing he needed was a roommate with feelings for him...

"Your skin... is so _shiny_, Al... Hhmng..." A subconscious smile quirked Yong Soo's lips up in his sleep and he cuddled his pillow.

Shiny. ... What...? This wasn't making any sense at all.

There was only one way for Alfred to solve this mystery.

He crawled over to his side of the room and dug his phone out of a pair of dirty jeans, pressing speed dial two.

* * *

><p>In another house somewhere a few miles away, a grumpy Canadian wiggles his way out from under a snoozing German ("I'm Prussian, Matt. Calling me German is offensive to my people.") and claws around his bedside table for his screaming cell phone.<p>

Pulling the obnoxious thing closer, he fumbles around for the Answer key, which is a bit more difficult without his glasses. Groaning at the caller ID, Matthew barely restrains himself from shouting into the receiver.

"Alfred. It's three in the morning. What the hell could you possibly want at three in the morning?" The Canadian rubs at his temples and sighs as Gilbert sleepily buries his face in Matthew's exposed stomach.

"Sorry, Matt. But this is important!" a frantic Alfred exclaims on the other line.

"Make it fast, eh?" Matt snaps in a whisper-shout. He is definitely not in the mood for this.

"Okay, okay. So, Yong Soo's sleeping, right? - "

"I'm envious," he interrupts tiredly, pushing his hair back from his forehead and letting his eyes slip closed for a moment.

" - Right. So anyway, I'm over here kicking some serious ass on Black Ops. You know, on that new map that - "

"Just get to the point already."

Alfred sighs, irritated. "Fine. So Yong Soo starts talking in his sleep and he says something about biting. And I'm just sitting here listening and he's like 'Bite me, Alfred! Say it out loud! You're so delicious and shiny, ah gawd, just fucking BIIITE me now, I want you inside of m - '"

Matthew pulls the phone away and tries not to throw up, mainly because Gilbert is sprawled across his entire body and Matt doesn't think the Ger - Prussian would appreciate waking up covered in Canadian vomit. Eh.

When he brings the phone back, Alfred has just ended his reenactment with a low, seductive moan.

"... Okay." Matthew shakes his head to clear his thoughts. "Okay. So what was the point of this?"

"The point _is_, that Yong Soo is dreaming about me biting him and being shiny. I don't understand. Is he dreaming of me being, like... a feral pixie or something?"

Matthew actually raises his eyebrows at this. "A feral pixie? Where the hell did that even come from?"

"Well, I don't know what else sparkles and fucking _bites_ people, Matthew. Which is why I even called you in the first place. I mean, don't think I called just to hear _your_lame, whiny voice, because I didn't, and you can go take your stupid Mrs. Butterworth's and insert it in - "

Matthew never finds out where exactly Alfred would like him to insert his beloved maple syrup (though, he has a pretty good idea), because at that moment, Gilbert decides to wake up and sneakily stuff his hands up Matthew's shirt and lick his stomach.

Matthew shrieks, naturally, and tries, to no avail, to kick Gilbert in the face.

Gilbert quickly pins both of the Canadian's arms above his head and glares at the cell phone. "Alfred?" he asks Matthew. The blond nods because words started failing him as soon as the Ge - _Prussian_decided it was a good idea to straddle him.

Gilbert grabs for the cell phone, but Matthew shoves him away, not so much because he wants to help Alfred, but more because he's a competitive dude and wants to keep the phone out of his boyfriend's hands. Gilbert narrows his red, red eyes and stares deep into the heart of Matthew's puny, worthless soul.

And he begins to tickle him. **Hard**.

Matthew squirms and shouts and laughs all at once, tears pouring from his own tired eyes. He can hear Alfred calling his name from the phone, and between hiccups and gasps, he himself manages a strangled, "Al-Alfred..! Don't... Don't h - GAHAHA, GILBERT, S-STOP THAT, ASSHOLE!" He wipes tears away with his sleeve and swiftly kicks Gilbert off the bed, who is also now laughing, his annoyance completely forgotten.

As the Prussian boy tumbles onto the ground with a, "Gahk!" and a THUMP!, Matthew holds the phone in front of his face to make sure Al is still there, panting to catch his breath. "V-vampire, Alfred. Yong Soo's reading Twilight, isn't he? The vampires in Twilight sparkle in the sun. He must be dreaming about you being a vampiiiii - !"

Gilbert snickers and tugs harder on Matt's ankle, pulling him down to the floor as well. The two of them collapse on top of one another, laughing and "ow"ing. Gilbert snatches the cell phone from him and snaps it shut, effectively ending the call, tossing the phone backwards over his shoulder for good measure. A grin slowly lights up his face as Matt glares, and he leans in to attack the Canadian once more.

And internally, Matthew prepares for a long, long night.

* * *

><p>Alfred listened to the dial tone for a minute before closing his own phone.<p>

Twilight? That book with the apple, right? Yeah, he remembered seeing that in Yong Soo's school bag a few times. Okay. So he was having a dream about Alfred being a Twilight vampire. Huh. Well, that wasn't so bad. It was definitely a way better explanation for the biting than the one Alfred himself had come up with.

Well, good! Yong Soo _wasn't_unconsciously being a pervert, and all was well with the world. Shaking his head at his assumptions, Alfred chuckled and scooted back over to the TV. He sat still for a moment, idly poking at the controller and watching as he was shot to death by the opposite team on screen.

... So, Yong Soo didn't like him. Not that Alfred would ever admit it out loud, but he had been kind of excited to hear that he was the subject of his roommate's dreams. It seemed like all his friends were finding "significant others", and he was left out. Alone.

He didn't mind so much. A lot of the girls he knew were kind of boring... And he didn't have a ton of time to get out and socialize, what with school and work. So he'd just accepted it.

But, honestly, hearing Yong Soo say his name like that had gotten him a bit excited. He'd actually thought for a moment that somebody liked him! Nobody had told Alfred that they were crushing on him since junior year of high school.

... Oh, well. Love was for losers anyway! Y-yeah! Stealing one more glance at the Twilight book over by Yong Soo's backpack, he clicked back into his game and tried to forget about vampires.

* * *

><p>In Yong Soo's brain...<p>

_It's like I'm standing in a forest or something. I'm not sure. There's a lot of green and it's really cold and it smells like trees. I can _see_ myself, which is freaking weird. I'm looking around, and... oh, no! Run, Yong Soo, run! There's somebody _watching_ me from behind a tree, oh my god._

_..._

_Oh, okay, wait. No, I know who that is... Alfred! Al_right_! I bet he's here to help me. Hm, he's walking toward me... Holy crapola, his skin! It looks like he tripped and fell into a giant puddle of super glue and sequins. Even his nose is sparkling. This is freaky._

_Now Alfred is behind me. Just standing there. Ohh, he looks kind of cute now that he's in the shade and not blinding me... Yes, this is better. Wait, wait! I think I'm about to say something..._

"I know what you are_," I say, looking straight down at my shoes as a bug crawls over one. Huh._

"Say it_," Alfred says, and I melt at the sound of his voice a little bit, "_Out_ loud."_

_I turn around and face him, staring right into his pretty eyes, and say, "_Vampire_."_

_Ooh, this just got interesting... Okay, good! I like interesting dreams. I watch myself breath steadily and I hope my breath doesn't smell bad because it looks like we're about to make out. He grins and I can see his fangs through his crooked, sexy smile, and I immediately collapse against his chest, letting out an embarrassing, "_Biiiite me, Jones!_"_

_And he does._

And I wake up.

* * *

><p>A yawn tears through Yong Soo's lips as he tiredly sits up in bed. His legs dangle off the side of his mattress and he smacks the Snooze button on his shrieking alarm clock, that he was pretty sure was invented in America. Not Korea.<p>

While his mind is on the track of loud Americans, he looks around for his roommate. Alfred is not in bed like Yong Soo expects, but is instead curled up in the middle of the room in front of their TV, ice cream smeared all over his mouth and on his glasses.

Gross.

Yong Soo shuffles over to the slumbering blond and stands in front of him. After a moment of silence, he nudges Alfred in the shoulder with his foot, which proves useless in waking him up. Blinking, he nudges the boy a bit harder, causing Alfred to flop his arm around and roll over.

The Korean raises an eyebrow as Alfred rolls away, revealing that he had been lying on top of an abused, dog-eared copy of Stephenie Meyer's Twilight. Bending down, he picks it up and throws it back onto his own bed, assuming he'd left it on the ground the day before.

"Alfred, wake up. You have work in, like, seventeen minutes." He trudges over to the bathroom and, as an afterthought, adds, "I'm not giving you a ride this time, either." He closes the bathroom door at the same time that the blond on the floor mutters something about playing baseball during a thunderstorm with a family of sparkling Asians.

* * *

><p><em>[author's notes.]<em>

_It seems like all I do these days is listen to Adam Lambert (& Avril Lavigne, on occasions), drink slushies, and write dumb, Alfred-centric fanfiction._

_This is why I shouldn't be allowed to have free time._


End file.
